I would like to start this article by asking you to please stick with it, even if you don’t think you need to read it. You may learn something that could help someone else one day.

Therapy. It’s the new buzzword, particularly amongst Gen Z and Millennials, and it’s as polarising as Donald Trump. Years ago, it was never a ‘thing’ and there is still often a taboo around the concept. Personally, I had no problems with it. Just like going to physiotherapy to help heal your body, it didn’t seem too bizarre that your brain might also need a little help straightening out …. It was just that I had never been in the position where I needed it. However, after a series of unfortunate medical events three years ago, that completely changed. 

I spent the months following my surgeries healing physically but getting worse mentally and I began locking myself away from the rest of the world. It was a struggle to remember how to hold a conversation and small talk seemed impossible. Each time I tried, I left feeling worse about myself. I read all of the self-help books and tried all of the gratitude journals and nothing helped. And - with the state of agriculture at the moment - I’m sure there are a few of you out there feeling the same way. We’re told to talk to our mates or maybe start running or yoga …. But, for some of us, none of it really seems to work.

Eventually, I knew I needed to speak to someone. So, I went to my doctor and I’ve now been going to therapy once a week, for the past three years. And I’m proud to say I am so, so much better. However, I am very aware this is a privilege that many cannot afford - be it in time or money - and so I wanted to share some of what I’ve learned with others.

What do emotions physically feel like to you?

Once you realise you have control over how you physically react to stress (or any other emotion), life becomes considerably easier for both yourself and those around you. 

The process involves a little time as it’s essentially like learning a new language. It also takes a little patience, so don’t expect to understand everything all at once. The first step is to be aware of the physical sensations that happen within your body when emotions such as stress occur. This could be:

• Tightness in the chest
• A rapid heartbeat
• Shallow breathing
• Tingling up your spine
• Sweating
• Butterflies

Everyone feels things differently and so there is no guidebook to follow; you have to build your own. So, for the next month, each time you feel one of these sensations acknowledge what is happening throughout your body and what caused it to happen. 

For instance, you might find that when you have to do something you reeaaallllly don’t want to, you feel a little tense all over. Or when things go wrong at work, you might feel it in your stomach or your chest. Or when you have to speak to the bank manager, maybe your palms start to sweat.

Even now. Take a second. How did you feel when I mentioned the bank manager? Not great? Are you feeling anything physically in your body in response to what’s happened in your day today? Should you be, when you’re (probably) sitting somewhere comfortable and safe?

These physical feelings are biochemical responses to stimuli and are a completely natural part of being human. However, sometimes we can get caught up in them and (even when the stimulus actually gets smaller) the responses get bigger and then the feelings linger around longer than they should and impact other parts of our life.

The next steps

Once you have learnt your ‘body language’, that's when the magic starts to happen. 

The first benefit is that, as you become more in tune with the physical responses in your body, you can detect the onset of it much, much sooner. This means you have a better chance of reducing the physical and mental consequences of stress. 

The second (and arguably the best) benefit comes once you know how to manage these emotions as you identify them. To some, this comes naturally, but to many, it is a skill that we need to continue mastering throughout adulthood. For me, it blew my mind that I could choose not to feel stressed or anxious and that I could go through situations choosing how to feel …. These days when I begin to feel the onsets of those butterflies in my stomach, I am able to say to myself, “Not now, not today,” and it goes away, just like magic! 

It is important to still feel these emotions. Controlling emotions doesn’t mean suppressing them, but rather managing them in a healthy way. Processing and feeling fear, shame, anxiety and sadness is a part of being a whole, rounded human. We cannot feel joy if we do not feel grief. It’s about giving yourself space to feel these emotions when it is appropriate. 

Giving yourself space to feel these emotions lets you get them out of your system (so to speak) so that they don’t linger throughout the rest of your day. This ‘space’ could be a good chat with your friends at the pub or screaming at the top of your lungs in a back paddock somewhere. Either way, emotions are there to be felt. However, this is all a training exercise and a reminder that it is in YOUR control how and when to feel them.

The science behind it …

Because we don’t neglect science around here, here’s a quick explanation of how the brain functions when it comes to controlling our emotions. 

The prefrontal cortex is like the brain's control centre and is responsible for rational thinking, decision-making, social function and, most importantly, regulating our emotions. When we are using the prefrontal lobe, we engage in higher-order cognitive functions that are essential for the complex thinking and decision-making required in farming. When we need to plan, make decisions or solve complex problems, the prefrontal lobe takes centre stage. It helps us weigh options and anticipate outcomes.

The limbic system is where most of our emotional responses happen and is also responsible for memory and motivation. Think of it as your drive to survive: be it running from a tiger, finding food or the need to reproduce. It is not necessarily a ‘bad’ part of our brain; however, it is not meant to be active constantly. When we are stressed for prolonged periods of time, it stays switched on, which can lead to a plethora of issues from chronic health issues to memory loss, even personality changes. 

Below are three weird and wonderful exercises that activate and deactivate these parts of your brain. They are not just tricks, but real ways to rewire how your brain responds to emotional triggers. 

Colours

This is one of my favourite tools because it is so simple, you can do it anywhere and you can even do it in the middle of a conversation. 

You simply pick a colour, and identify EVERYTHING you can see in that colour. When you see something, say the colour in your head. Once you’ve exhausted one colour, go on to another and another and so on until the physical sensations have lessened.

5-4-3-2-1 

This grounding technique is also good for when you are feeling overwhelmed. 

It’s as simple as listing:

• Five things you can see.
• Four things you can hear.
• Three things you can touch.
• Two things you can smell.
• One thing you can taste.

Both of these processes engage the prefrontal cortex and help override the limbic system,  which allows you to break that ‘anxiety loop’ and start thinking more clearly about the situation at hand. 

Safe place

Sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to and sometimes stressful situations go on for longer than you can (or should) mentally tolerate. In these situations, it is important to give your brain a break, even just for a minute. This gives you space to - again - think more clearly about what is going on.

The first step is to pick somewhere you love spending time, somewhere you feel utterly relaxed. For me, it’s a high country stream with crystal blue waters and snowy mountains. For you, it could be the beach, out on the lake on your boat or even your childhood home. Close your eyes and imagine it in as much vivid detail as possible. Spend a minute there, just relaxing.

Each time you need a mental break, take a minute to sit in your calm spot. Go back to the same spot and add a little detail. What temperature is it? What are the clouds like? What would you hear if you were there? Try to stay as focused as possible on this place. This is your one minute of peace, don’t let anything else intrude. 

By going back to that same mental place a few times a week, you train your brain to start calming down ‘upon arrival’. Imagine, instant relaxation just by closing your eyes! It’s not to say the other emotions won't come back up once you’re back in the real world, but that minute break makes a world of difference to your brain function. 

As with the other methods, this helps you re-activate the pre-frontal cortex. But it also reduces stress too, unlike the others. By re-visiting the same place over and over you strengthen the neural pathways that go with the sense of safety and security, which then becomes available to you without the need to go to your safe place. 

Combining your skills

Once you have the ability to identify emotions and control them, life becomes vastly easier for both yourself and those around you. Feeling these physical sensations (when we don’t want to) isn’t enjoyable. And we have all worked with someone who is unpredictable with their emotions and that isn’t fun either. 

Remember, your emotions are not just abstract feelings you have no control over, but physical experiences that you can learn to understand and manage. By tuning into your body's signals and using these simple techniques, you can regain a little control when you are feeling stressed or anxious, giving you space to react in a way that feels good to you, rather than just reacting based on instinct. 

These tools are not about suppressing what you feel. They are about creating a good mental head space, so you can function well throughout your day, and then allowing yourself to fully process your emotions at a time that serves you better (so that they don’t linger and taint other parts of your life). 

With practice, you’ll find that not only does your mind become an easier place to be, but your interactions with others improve drastically as well. 

My hope is that you embrace these skills as part of your mental health toolkit. Understanding and controlling your emotions is the first and most powerful step toward a more balanced, fulfilling and enjoyable life.

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